To play a violin is a lifelong goal. I like the “hard” part because I can be a difficult person to love. It’s difficult to love a person who is constantly yelling at me about having the last word in any conversation, that I shouldn’t try to talk, that I should listen to their advice.
I try not to let this happen for a long time, although I’m still not comfortable enough in my own voice to keep it at a proper volume. To be able to express yourself as I like to express, is very difficult.
How do you overcome this fear?
This is a very hard challenge but I do take action. I start by just thinking about it: I would rather let somebody walk past me than let myself go by. As I look over my shoulder, I often say “I don’t want to get here.” My goal is to say this loudly to the people who will hear me.
It doesn’t mean I need to yell because I don’t want to. It’s just for show that I am capable (see above). It doesn’t even mean I’m thinking. Usually I’m thinking about where I am going or what I was going to do. I try to always think the best move I could make in all circumstances, whether it’s going home or to meet someone.
This makes me an expert at being “toughened.”
I’ve tried to live my life as though it were a music school assignment. When something comes up in conversation that makes me think the right thing at the right time, I try to be as “toughened” as possible. I try to be the most “musical” person I can be. I just want people to think that I really know it all.
Sometimes I’m afraid that people have an easy time with this because I sound “articulate.” This is very wrong. The person I play with is not trying to talk and listen as much as possible. In fact, they actually want the music to sound good so they will be singing along the whole time.
The “articulate” part is the part of the world of music that people are not accustomed to. When playing in the “articulate” way, I want them to feel this freedom of expression. It means I’m not trying to push them.
How do you feel when you have a good performance?
When I get a good performance, I feel
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