,” she asked.
“Well yes,” I told her. “But there’s only three classes. We have to be in the same group all three dance. You have to be skinny, or you got to stop.”
I don’t think that was the first time I called a woman a fat whore. Not only are women still taught at a pretty young age that it’s “not cool” to be fat, but that body shaming has a very literal meaning. We’re taught that fat is bad, but we’re taught that there’s “no such thing as obesity, only fat people.”
And that’s the problem — the idea that fat is bad. That fat people should somehow get rid of themselves because they are fat. This is the mentality that drives our culture. And it’s a problem for us. Fat people are people, like you and me. Like you are. And like I am.
And no matter what I do to get to that point, if I go back the whole way, I will always be fat. At the very least, you can never let anyone tell me I shouldn’t get to be where I am. No matter if I’m the nicest person you could ever meet. No matter if I was born a beautiful angel with a perfect body. No matter if I’m the best dancer you’ll ever see in your life.
My body has always been the issue, not my personality. The issue has always been the fact that I never seem to be able to find that balance that allows me to be a good dancer and still feel good about myself and also not have to be an emotional mess all the time. I have all this money and good things, but I still feel like crap almost every minute.
Even though I love to play, I have to do this shit all the time to stay in shape, even when I wouldn’t be able to do it otherwise. And even if I do have access to amazing equipment, like our latest “big butt dancers” were able to purchase, I still get fatter and fatter. I feel as if I’m wasting my life doing this stuff. I’m not a stripper, I’m a dancer. I’m a dancer.
And that’s the problem.
So I guess at the end of the day, having an opinion about my body or how I’m going to be represented on the dance floor isn’t a conversation that I think I should be part of. In the words
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